It snowed!!

Hooray! I have been waiting for snow like this since last winter.. When all was said and done we had about 5 1/2 feet. Four in this snowfall on top of the foot and a half we got the week before.

So this is my road, normally a two lane road, now a single lane.

My roommate drives a subaru and she had a tough time getting out of the driveway. The civic was going nowhere. I was lucky to make it home a couple of hours after the snow started. I actually got stuck in my road but fortunately made it into the driveway.


This is our mailbox. It's kind of cute actually. It could totally be a postcard.



And my poor car. There was a solid 3 feet of snow on top of it.



When I finally got around to digging it out the snow was thigh deep around it. And then after knocking the snow off the roof, it was waist deep. The picture's a bit deceiving.


Thank God for snowblowers because this would have taken forever.


Seriously though, the powder was some of the best I have ever seen. It was so deep and so smooth. This is what I moved out here for.

I am not complaining

I have become accustomed that when I go to the airport, they x-ray my belongings and take away my water and any liquid or gel items I have not placed in a 1-quart size plastic bag in an effort to minimize my risk of flying. I truly appreciate their efforts and don't want them to stop and I believe that they are doing their best not to completely inconvenience me. When I go I naturally expect that I will have to remove half of my clothing, throw out my water and hope they don't decide to search me randomly. (This actually hasn't happened in a while but for a while it seemed that it was every time.)

I'm actually pretty lucky. There's a guy I know who for whatever reason was put on a list that makes TSA search and question him every time he flies. He seems pretty normal and harmless, so I can only assume he shares a name with someone who isn't quite so normal and harmless. I guess TSA told him he could send in an application and $150 and they would investigate his case. However, they do not guarantee that it will get him off the list so he has resigned himself to getting to the airport 3 or 4 hours early every time.

On my way back home after visiting for the holidays this time, though, I had a bizarre experience. I am notorious for leaving water in my bag and my liquid or gel items not in a plastic bag. (On my way back from Seattle a while ago I had a sum total of three water bottles in my carry-on luggage. Duh.) Fortunately, though, my family lives in an extremely rural airport. The kind where you can park your car at the terminal and walk your family member(s) in and they won't ticket your vehicle. I was the one and only person in line to get my boarding pass, and the one and only person in line for security. (Is it a line if you're the only one in it?) So I take off my shoes, put my laptop on the belt, coat, bag, belt. They made fun of my freaky shoes, which is funny. And then I realize I had left my water in my carryon. But the lady offered to dump my water out for me and let me keep the bottle which I thought was so nice. And she got me a bag to put my gel stuff in. How nice!!!

So I was spoiled this time. And I love that. But I also want to say thanks to all the TSA people that have to deal with the rude, the unmanageable, and the certifiable in an effort to keep us safe. So I'm not complaining, just noticing...

Inventory

It doesn't matter how many times I've done it, you'd think I would learn my lesson. But I have this horrible habit of leaving the house without everything I need and end up having to turn the car around and go back. We've all done it, but I'm convinced my frequency is at least double the national average. I actually feel fortunate when I remember in the driveway before I've actually left.

Yesterday I was in the Heavenly parking lot getting my snowboard boots on, and I realized I didn't have my pass. In the car I get, back to the house for my pass, and finally hit the snow 30 minutes later. Fortunately I live close to the mountain, but still...

Almost every morning I leave the house to go to work and have to come back inside. Keys, phone, gym clothes, gloves. It's always something. So why do I do this? I ask myself this question with far too much frequency.

Other than the fact that I'm not organized or tidy enough to always leave my keys in the same place or make sure everything has it's place so it's much easier to tell immediately if I don't have everything I need. My theory is that we all have to take inventory, mentally or otherwise. I just take mine too late. I'm in the car, heading down the road and think to myself "keys, phone, wallet, sunglasses, gym clothes for later, and I'm going to spinning so I need my... crap ,I forgot my spinning shoes." It would be much easier if I would do this mental inventory before leaving the house.

When I go on trips, I have to make a list, because when there's a plane waiting for you there is no time to go back. When I go to the gym, I hand them my keys, and they give me a locker key. Good system because you can't really get far without your car keys, so you remember to turn your locker key back in. The problem is about 33% of the time I forget my water bottle, spinning shoes, yoga mat, running shoes, or other fairly essential item in my car. So I have to go back up to the desk, ask for my keys, go to my car, and come back. It's just a short walk to my car, but you'd tink I could take a little inventory before getting out of my car, and come in with everything I need the first time.

It's not the end of the world. I just need to work on my system of making sure I have everything. Sometimes I feel a little better when my roommate comes back in the door twice to get something before leaving. At least I'm not the only one.

I am so self-concious.

I wish I could be like those girls that do whatever they want. Wear crazy clothes. Do their hair in bizarre ways. Seem to be impervious to stress and make all the guys stop and stare. But still not care about anything but fun and doing their thing..

You meet them once in a while. And you just kind of want to be them. But if you can't be them, then damnit you're gonna be their best friend. Okay, fine, you'll settle for just knowing them. Seriously strange. But a reality none-the-less.

At least for me.

Is it possible that someday I will be this girl? Or would I then just want to be someone else?

You think you know but you have no idea...

You think you know what you'll be when you grow up. Then you get to a reasonably grown-up place in your life and still have no clue what you want to be. More school sounds expensive. And so much for that 4 year degree. Maybe you should start all over, major in Human Physiology and become a doctor. Doctors seem happy.

You think you'll grow up, find a great guy, and get married. It'll be perfect! You'll sit at a coffee shop on Saturday mornings and read the paper. Chat about random acts of kindness and dream about the future. And you'll always have someone to be with.

Then someday you'll have kids. They'll be the most beautiful kids you've ever seen. Not to mention smart and athletic. And they'll adore you and you'll adore them. They'll grow up to be happy and healthy and they'll still come home on the holidays and bring their families.

Maybe it just seems like everyone else is happy and have it all figured out. Maybe they really do. Maybe they're just good at pretending. Or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. It's a nice thought though.

Like it's going out of style..

I have watched more episodes of America's Top Model in the last few weeks than anyone should ever admit to. But it's literally on all the time, episode after episode, and I get sucked in like quicksand. I would be embarrassed but I'm sort of grossly fascinated with my inability to look away. I just watched two episodes, there's one on tv right now, and another one will be on after that.

I could blame it on our cheap cable package and really not having much of a choice. But it has turned into my time to unwind after work. I suppose there's not much harm in that. Except when I can't pull myself away. I was late to yoga twice this week and got a crappy spot in the back of the room where the lights are really bright.

Great story right? If you have time, you should read it again..

Drop-kicked

You know those times when you screw up, and you realize it almost immediately, but not soon enough to fix it or take it back?

Yeah, well, I told my director I would teach a specialty class called Ski Conditioning at 9am on Friday two weeks in a row. I was all excited and had my class planned. I picked out all the music and went over it in my head. I have been talking to people who are excited about it coming up. And Tuesday night my Yoga instructor told her class it was coming up in two weeks.

Hooray! It's just a week and a half away!

This morning I got a call at 9:15 about this Ski Conditioning class I was supposed to teach. "Oh, no that's on November sec.... ond... That's today. OMG I'm going to be fired."

In all honesty I then remembered all the other things I didn't do during this week of my life that has apparently slipped into a black hole. I forgot to pay my credit card bill. And my car payment. And my gas bill. And my car insurance. So I did quite literally lose track of an entire week, but WTF?!

I immediately emailed my director apologizing and begging her not to fire me. Which is the immediate response to a "no call, no show" as she puts it. And then I called her and left her a message that I would really like to talk to her and I'm very sorry for screwing up.

I still haven't heard from her so my plan is to go to her class in the morning and try to talk to her in person. I know I'm going to cry and I hate that it was such a stupid thing and now I probably can't teach anymore.

It's so much worse than just missing a meeting at my "real" job. Because people showed up for this class and I wasn't there. I completely dropped the ball. Actually, it's like I drop kicked the ball into my director's face. I feel so guilty and disappointed in myself.

And waiting all day wondering whether I'm going to be fired is not the most fun I've had this week either.

---

Update: So the outcome this morning is not quite so bleak. I went and talked to my director and she said it was alright because it was a mistake. Phew... I should go to the casinos tonight.. I'm feeling lucky.

Stuck

I have been feeling really grumpy lately, I have no idea why. I walk around trying to be positive but can't quite snap out of the funk.

I have fun things coming up.

I'm going sailing in San Francisco. I just got the foul weather gear I ordered. I have to send the jacket back for a smaller size, but the boots and bibs seem to fit well.

I'm going to Seattle in a couple of weeks for training. I'll be there for nine days so I should have plenty of time to do touristy things and relax a little.

My parents and my sister are coming for Thanksgiving.

Really, though, I just want to sleep all day.

Then it hit me...

One of the hazards of moving frequently is you acquire a lot of stuff. In some cases that’s not so terribly much stuff. In others it’s completely ridiculous. I fall somewhere in the middle, probably a little more excessive than your average bear. But one of the cool things is going through your old stuff and being reminded of some really awesome memories.

I moved for the first time in the 8th grade. And then about the time I got settled, we moved again back to almost the same town we had left two years earlier. I say almost because we couldn’t find a house in our old school district. This meant going to a new school, which to a 15 year old pretty much means new everything. My sister and I would very occasionally see old friends (she more than me) but we may as well have moved a world away. Needless to say, it completely broke my heart. But I really believe it has made me a stronger, more well-rounded person. Something, something, something.. cliché?

H’enyway. Today while going through old letters written from various friends left behind, I realized two things. One, I had some kick-ass friends. And two, I can be one bitter chick. I say this because typically I would categorize myself as the “screw reunions, I have zero desire to see people from high school” chick. Yes, I know, somebody give that girl an F-ing *insert antidepressant here* and shut her up. But in all honesty I think I would really like to see some of the people I went to school with. Not everyone, mind you, but there are more people than I realized that I would really love to get to know. Sometimes I just need to be reminded.

This is ironic (or possibly just strangely coincidental depending on your degree of leniency in interpreting definitions) because last week I wrote about not caring, which of course probably means I do care. And also due to recent events:

A couple of weeks ago at my cousin’s wedding I ran into a girl I was pretty close to in high school number one, but lost track of after I moved away. She later became my cousin’s college roommate and in the few moments I spoke to her as the ceremony was about to begin and I noticed she had a huge rock on her finger. I didn’t see her after the ceremony and was completely distressed. Apparently she got married and moved to West Virginia with her husband. (BTW, woah, my friends have husbands.) I’m pretty confident my cousin can link us up again, but I am still fascinated at my previous resolve that I did not care and the underlying reality that I really, really do.

I also realized something. Among the items from my past are letters between myself and various girls about boyfriends and crushes, friends and gossip, among other things. I read about the things that happened as though I’m hearing them for the first time. I have little or no recollection of most of it. And what I do remember is vague and disjointed. It’s like things that were once heartbreaking and life-altering are now almost endearing or so fleeting as to be incidental. Once again time has lovingly, mercifully and even gracefully removed the pain and left only happiness and great memories that could only be heartbreaking because they’re so sentimental. I’m a huge sap.

I guess it’s been more than ten years since most of this stuff happened. Long enough to forgive and forget. But not so long that I don’t remember some of the crazy details. I remember the black and white polka dot bikini I wore to a friend’s pool party in the 8th grade just before I moved. I remember agonizing about it and wondering if it looked okay. I think maybe the heightened emotions of the impending move made me pay more attention. Soak it all in. Absorb every drop before it was all gone forever. Kind of breaks my heart all over again to dig up those feelings, but in a good way. A sort of rich, connected, real kind of way. Like pealing back the deep green moss and finding the rich, black earth beneath. Vivid colors, deep thoughts, and wells of emotion. All good things.

Certifiable

You know how you glorify things in your mind? Imagining even the most mindless or difficult things to be worthwhile and even enjoyable later on? And looking back at the terrible experiences as “not so bad”? Maybe it’s some kind of self preservation to mercifully delude ourselves into smoothing over the pain or minimizing the trials we have faced. My mom said childbirth was like that. If any woman truly remembered the agony of labor there would be an awful lot of only children out there.

I believe I romanticize the future to an almost extreme degree. But I love it. I think it gives me drive and purpose. Helps me to obtain my loftiest goals despite the strain and drudgery I may have to endure to achieve them. It’s why we can work 14 hour days. Stay up all night writing papers. Go to the gym even though it’s the last damn thing we want.

When I think about getting my masters degree I’m like ‘ooh, I love studying and staying up all night’. It sounds all fun and exciting. Though the reality is you get little or no sleep, have to study more than anyone will really admit to, and then you’re seriously in debt and spend the rest of your life paying it off. Doesn’t that sound fun?!

Whoever said a little delusion wasn’t healthy?

Speaking of vicious animals..

A few weeks ago I got home and was sort of wandering around doing random chores in the house when I saw this round spot in the middle of my bed about 8 inches across.

What the..

Nothing on the ceiling so I know the roof's not leaking. I don't think I spilled anything there.. I bend down to smell in and it doesn't really smell like anything. I pull back the down comforter, bled through. Blanket, sheet, mattress pad, all the same. But the mattress wasn't wet.

Damn dog!!!!

I don't have a dog. But my next door neighbor does. Remember feroucious? I was furious. Not at anyone, but my bed was peed on!!!! Not like a little. The dog let it all go right in the middle of my nice white bed!

I immediately pulled all of the blankets off and went into my neighbor's house to ask Anna butt-head if she did it. Her cowering confirmed my suspicians. No big deal, I washed out all the blankets and febreezed everything. Good as new. But still! My neighbor said they had been in the house for about a minute while she got ice out of my freezer. That dog was on a MISSION.

The thing that gets me though is I'm super nice to this animal. I mean I hold her all the time and love her and feed her and walk her. WTF?! Sigh..

S'okay, tomorrow's a new day.

Then, last week my neighbor got a kitty. She's this really sweet little thing that they found near the healthfood store with six kittens. My neighbor being all big-hearted and stuff knew the mama would need a home so she adopter her after the kittens were all claimed. Now she lives next door with Anna butt-head. Which is good because the dog gets bored and now she has a buddy.

H'enyway. Last week my neighbor wasn't going to be home until late so I let the animals out and fed them and all that jazz. A couple hours later I was doing things around the house and let the animals run around inside. Let me clarify, I am the super-intelligent human who let the animals run around in my house. This becomes important later.

But this time, I was smart. Ha! I closed my bedroom door so no little animals could soil my bed. Anna butt-head was running laps around the living room and the cat was just poking around checking things out. But then, I heard the kitty getting into things. Something in the closet of the spare room fell over. I walked in and she's just climbing around on my outdoor gear, no big deal. Then she hops up on the futon, which is my spare bed, and pees. Right there in front of me. Empties her little bladder on the bed while I watch in horror.

WHAT?!

I picked her up by the scruff of her neck and slapped her across the butt, proceeded to carry her outside and tossed her into my neighbors house. Grabbed the dog and put her back in her house as well. Then rushed to get a towel to mop up whatever I could that didn't soak into the brand new down comforter I just bought for the bed.

AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Btw, cat urine smells really, really bad. Nothing like puppies who don't seem to smell at all. And this cat must have been plotting this all day because there is no way she had any less than half a liter of liquid in her bladder. But it was nobody's fault but my own. I'm the one that let her wander around my house.

Fortunately I got everything washed and all is well. But now I have to wonder WTF is going on in animal world that me and/or my house make animals want to pee in my bed! I feel like it's some bad karma coming around to bite me in the butt. But I am really nice to these animals. Obviously not nice enough.

New rule, no animals in the house.

Weather and Memories

It's hard to imagine anything being out of place when you get to see things like this. Somewhere above the continental U.S. a thunderstorm was forming at 30,000 feet while I flew back from Boston last month. I couldn't catch the lightening on film, but the clouds building into a fervor were simply breathtaking. I love weather. Clouds, rain, storms, snow, wind, waves.

I have this vivid memory of sitting outside on the back porch of my house with my baby sitter and little sister, I must have been about 8. We were watching the rain pour down in buckets and the thunder and lightening threaten to shake the house free of the ground. The strange thing is I remember that we were eating green olives out of the jar. To this day I love green olives.

Those are the kinds of memories that will never disappear. I hope.

Transitions

It's definitely not summer anymore, and not quite winter. I love fall but it's definitely one of those in-between phases as far as activities go. And here it's a little less exciting because there is a shortage of deciduous trees that make fall so amazingly beautiful. I'm sort of at a loss. Sailing is pretty much over for the season. It's a bit cold to climb. And snowboarding is not for a solid two months. So what do I do? I mean there are activities, mountain biking, hiking, and so-fourth, but it's not quite the same.

I could take up solitaire. Or knitting! Yay! Oh wait.. I do have a lot of winter projects though. Like the thousands of photos that need to go in albums. Curtains need to be made for the still bare windows in my house. I mean I work, and go to the gym. But then what? I feel completely unfulfilled. I'm thinking therapy. Learn how to feel more fulfilled? Sounds expensive.

By the way, my heat is not working. FUN. It's supposed to be 29 degrees tonight. So that's pretty awesome. I didn't need it all summer. I go to turn it on a few days ago and nothing. Can't light the pilot light. The valve's on. I have a functioning gas stove so I know there's gas coming into the house somewhere. I hope the repair people come soon. I literally am wearing a hat to bed.

Also, I think I'm going to search for a roommate. My house feels awful empty and it could be good to have someone to split the gas bill with. Assuming someone comes to fix the stove / furnace / thing-that-looks-like-a-wood-stove-but-isn't at some point. Not to mention the possibility of a snowboarding buddy. I have a bed for my roommate to be. I got a kitchen table the other day. That's helpful if you don't want to eat sitting on the floor every night. I'm still kind of searching for a dresser for the second bedroom. But otherwise I think I'm pretty much set. I sort of dread having a roommate because there's always something bizarre about them. (Or me.) But I think it would be good for me.

So I'm looking forward, or at least trying to, hoping for positive change.

'Bout that time eh chap?

Half-hearted defenders of the Universe?

Huh-uh, I don't buy it. Wouldn't work. I mean, there would be some crisis like aliens coming to annihilate the planet with weapons of unimaginable destructive potential like planetary liquefication or something and these half-hearted defenders would be like 'Uh.. well, we tried a missile, but that didn't really work. Then we asked nicely if they would leave us alone, but they just kept coming. So guess we're screwed. Sorry!'

Nice.

Sometimes I just feel like what's the point if you're not going to put your heart into it? Not anything in particular. Just anything. Everything. Work. Family. Relationships. I know I'm ridiculously type-A and can't take no for an answer. And oh, yeah, I moved to California where "mañana doesn't mean tomorrow, it just means not right now." I just feel like people are okay with mediocrity and that really gets under my skin.

What do you mean "oh well" ?!

Count to ten. Breathe..

Right.

Maybe it's that people don't feel empowered to change their reality. There was this really adorable quote in "The Wedding Date" where the dad says to the daughter who is not getting married that "women have the exact love life they want". He goes on to say that he refuses to believe her current sitch is exactly what she wants... aww.. But I thought, how true. Now I know this is completely oversimplified and doesn't take into account complex things like criminals and families and all that. But I just thought it was worth thinking over.

H'enyway. I just want you to take a second and think about it. Are you giving it your all? I mean it makes me want to say lots of words rhyming with luck and bell when I get roadblocked by people who don't seem to be putting their heart into whatever it is they're doing. But who am I to say? Maybe I'm just a psycho and can't slow the LUCK down for a second and appreciate whatever other perspectives there might be. I don't know. I do know that I'm frustrated as BELL right now though.

Good for my blood pressure I think.

Shoot for the stars

Sometimes I wonder what all the people I went to high school with are doing now. I remember what they wanted to do and where they went to college, but I wonder where they are now and if that's really where they set out to go. It's really sort of only a vague philosphical, did they end up where they wanted to be question, not an actual personal interest in the people themselves. I know that's horrible. But I have zero desire to go to any reunions. Okay, maybe a 5% desire. But it will probably never happen.

I always did a lot of thinking about where I wanted to be "when I grew up". Don't you love that phrase? When I was in high school I used to hate it when the older kids I knew would say "when I was in high school". But then when I could say things like "when I was in college" it didn't have quite the same allure. Last summer this cute little girl sat next to me on a flight from D.C. to Reno. She asked me what grade I was in. Ugh. How do you explain to an eight year old that you're not really an adult like their mom and dad, but you're not in high school or even college anymore.

My Grandma told me this story about my little sister. When she was really little they asked her how old she thought my mom was. She replied "really old, like 30". Which of course produced much laughter from all of my relatives. But 30 doesn't seem quite so old anymore. Actually not old at all...

Sigh.

But I digress. Here I am in Lake Tahoe. I always wanted to live on the West Coast, and this is pretty close. I have this pretty laid back job that pays well and has mostly encouraging promises of a future. So that's good. If the job doesn't work out I'm more than likely going back to school. I just wonder how many people feel as though they took aim and landed more or less in the place they had hoped to. I feel fortunate to be here.

A picture is worth a thousand words

So I got this cute little dragon puppet. (Who doesn't need a dragon puppet, right?) And I'm sitting on the porch with my neighbor's dog who is bouncing off the walls because nobody has been home all day. She's at the pinnacle of her OMG YOU'RE FINALLY HOME! routine when she spots the puppet.

WOW! A TOY, A TOY! THANKS! I LOVE TOYS! (As she proceeds to run around, toy in mouth strutting her proverbial stuff.)

She loves the thing. I think it's mostly because you can put your hand inside and then it much more closely resembles some kind of poor, helpless animal. I mean she's completely vicious right?

So I guess now Anna Claire has a dragon puppet.

Self Portrait

No glam really. But I would say a fairly good depiction of me. I don't know, it just seems like there's always a simple mirror selfy on the big time blogger sites so I thought I'd play along. Not that I'm big time or anything. Whatever... Tada!


I've had my Kodak Digital Rebel for about 2 years now. I really dig the fixed focal length lens and the pictures I've managed to snap here and there. My friends think I'm trying to catch absolutely every moment of their lives on film. But really I'm just trying to become a better photographer. (I know you hate it when I take your picture. But look at all the great pictures!!)

I promised myself I wouldn't get another lens until I got to know this one. SoI think it may be about time. Hooray! I want a zoom next. Just have to find the right one. And there are never a shortage of cool toys competing for my paycheck. Must prioritize...

Snow Cross

It's supposed to snow on Thursday. Probably only a dusting, and probably only in the higher elevations, but I am not going to be picky. Tahoe is absolutely beautiful when it snows. Even just bits of snow on the mountains make it feel so much more welcoming. It took me a long time to get used to the exposed rock all around the basin, and even moreso without the snow, so I'm excited for its return.

This is an image from tahoewindjammers.com that shows Mt. Tallac in the background. Focus on the top of the mast of the boat on the right. Just above and to the left is the snow cross. It leans slightly to the right but you can make it out. The snowfall last winter was so light that the last bit of snow on the "snow cross" on Mt. Tallac melted in late August.


I took this one of Mt. Tallac in February this year. If you compare the two you can almost make out where the cross is. There are years when the snow cross stays throughout the year. The Washoe Indians that originally lived in the Tahoe area have legends that say when the snow cross melts, the tribe would go to war with neighboring tribes. This may or may not be historically accurate but would make sense given the lack of precipitation during those years.

There are many places in Tahoe where you can hike and ski back country but Mt. Tallac is one of the most popular. Only the early bird gets the fresh untracked powder because it's so accessible and not necessarily a brush with death to attempt. There's a North-facing bowl at the top that catches great powder. But the more serious thrill-seakers dive off the cross. Apparently you can ski or ride all the way down to your car. I'm thinking the hike up 4,000 feet would be tough, but that has to be part of the allure.

Let it snow...

Monterey

This April, just after I moved to California, my friend LTall was in Monterey for business. It was about a 4 hour drive so I decided to go visit her. Monterey is way beautiful. And LTall is way cool. We couldn't have had more fun or spent better quality time together. I miss you girl. I hope you're doing well. MUAH!


Remember sitting on the beach watching the boys row and listening to the sea lions bark?

Also, this picture really isn't black and white. It's really just that muted. And the picture I'm not posting? From the happy hour.. do you still have that one?

:)

Ice Cream Makes Everything Better

This week has been the worst week I've had since moving to Tahoe. The worst. Hands down. But stress in this environment is transient and life has a way of smoothing out the bumps. My boss, probably feeling at least as much stress as I am if not more, randomly decided we should get milkshakes and drive up to Emerald Bay, one of the best views on the lake. I didn't really expect it to help but I felt 100% better. Fearing for my life as he kind of absent mindedly swerves around the switchbacks overhanging several hundred feet of cliff while making offhanded comments about getting low on brake fluid kind of puts things in perspective. Just what the doctor ordered. Ice cream makes everything better.