Moments

I love going on vacation because everything seems so unfamiliar. When you are discovering and learning and feeling new things, it's nearly impossible not to have that fuzzy tingling sensation all over. It's like falling in love. You know the feelings of newness won't last but it feels so good while it does. Unfortunately we can't be on vacation all the time. And if we were, would that not become normal, everyday, and familiar? We would be right back where we started.

But sometimes in everyday life there are moments of realization or recognition of something we never quite saw before. Or at least something we see in a new way. We discover something new in the familiarity of our lives and feel alive, refreshed, and awake.

Last night, a Thursday of all days, I was sitting in a cafe sipping soup and listening to some older Jack Johnson they had playing when I realized I was feeling that warm, fuzzy, tingly sensation all over. The cafe was all rustic wood and I was watching people come in and out ordering smoothies and sandwiches and it felt like I was somewhere else, on vacation. I can't really pinpoint what it was, but I felt happy and relaxed. And I started to think about that feeling and how much I love it. There is nothing like it. It's a high of sorts. Like detaching your body from your worries and cares and just being in the moment.

What a wonderful trick it would be to learn to embrace that feeling and carry it with you in your life. To look at your everyday life with affection and contentment. To drive the same way to work everyday but love it more each time. To hold your love in your arms but feel the beating of your heart and longing for having been away from each other. To enjoy your morning walk like you're doing it for the first time.

I think this is possible and an entirely admirable ambition. There must be people who achieve this every day. But even to experience such detachment and calm once a week would be therapeutic at its worst.

Uh oh.. what happened?

I don't know if it's the tone of my voice, but whenever I see that my little angel dog has chewed something up or mistaken the carpet for a toilet I ask her what happened. And I always get this same reaction. In this instance she decided to try out my chapstick while I was in the shower.




I think she's trying to say "I'm sorry.. don't kill me!"


In my new house there's a tile floor in one room where she stays during the day. And for some reason she refuses to believe me when I tell her it's not okay to pee on the floor. I'm fairly trustworthy I'm not entirely sure what the issue is. But she insists. So I have this bitter cherry spray that I spray on her tongue right after I literally wipe her nose in her urine. Just the sight of me when she's peed on the floor provokes more pee presumably a direct result of her fear of the cherry spray my harsh words. Poor baby. I know she doesn't mean it, but it still doesn't make it okay.


Apparently dogs know they're not supposed to pee on the floor. But they don't have the mental capacity to choose not to do it when they have to go. They only remember when you walk in the door and they suddenly have an "Oh shit" moment. I still think the "I'm sorry" face is very cute.

I would describe myself as Type A

When I do things, I don't just kinda-sorta do them. I create spreadsheets and check the facts, I call and confirm, and I ask lots of questions. I have plans A, B, C and a backup plan D just in case. I can be seriously anal. So when I tell you my experience was horrible, it's usually not for lack of planning or thought. But in this case, I would say I am ignorant and it has not been blissful.

Sigh...

I've been talking about trading in the Civic for something a little more Tahoe-worthy for probably a year now. Last month I finally pulled the trigger. I applied for a loan, got pre-approved for twice what I really needed, and went to work on finding a car I liked.

I finally settled on a '99 Subaru Forester from a mom and pop place called Shillers. It's a great car with all of the important stuff: tires, an engine, headlights, and all-wheel drive. (oooh..) The dealer seems like a really nice guy, he has a really good reputation, and he's been doing it for years.

I take my bank draft from Navy Federal and drive the four hours to Santa Rosa. I test drive the car and love it, and then I discover they can't accept bank drafts. I'm sorry, what?? I'm such a retard. This whole problem could easily have been solved if I had just called and confirmed, "you accept bank drafts right?" I am obviously not a banker.

I proceed to spend an hour or so on the phone with the Credit Union and finally come to the conclusion I will not be driving this car home. Damnit. But in another few days the check should be mailed and everything will be peachy. The dealer graciously agrees to hold the car for me and I'll be back in two weeks to pick it up.

I sulk my way home and I wait. No check. And wait some more. No check. I call. We need more info. I give them the info and I wait. I call back. Still waiting. I call back again. Still waiting. I call back again. Denied due to insufficient collateral. Seriously? It's not my credit or my income, all that is great. The car is not worth what the dealer is asking. But I have the blue book printout in my hand. I did it myself. Sorry, no can do. (WTF?!) But if you can re-negotiate for a lower rate, perhaps they would approve the loan. Sigh....

So I wait five minutes and call back. Hey! I was able to negotiate a lower price!!! (Amazing isn't it?) I'm sorry you'll have to fill out another application. Can't you take the information from the old application? I'm sorry ma'am we can't. Okay, let's fill it out. We'll need the VIN. (Silent cursing). I don't have the VIN (it's on the application), I'll have to call you back.

At this point I give up and go to Bank of America. I'm sorry, we only do auto loans on line. Thanks. I go back home and I apply for a loan online. Accepted! Call this number to speak with an associate. Hi, Thank you for calling Bank of America. You have reached us outside of our normal business hours. Please call back between 8 and 5 Monday through Friday. It is now 8pm on Friday.

Back to Navy Federal. They're open pretty much 24/7. I finally get in touch with someone who understands my issue, modifies the old application (I didn't have to fill out a new one) and sends it in. Please call us back in 24 hours and we should have an answer for you.

So now if I don't get the loan from Navy Federal, I should probably hear back from Bank of America and then finally get my car. But this has honestly been one of the worst experiences I've had in a really long time. I'm not sure I've really learned anything except that I wasn't anal enough. This has taken absolutely all of the fun out of car buying.

With as much fun as I've had so far, I am not looking forward to selling the Civic.

Update: 11/18/08

I can't get a loan from Navy Federal or Bank of America. But I bet they'd jump on the chance to loan me $30,000 for a brand new car that is only worth $20,000 the second I drive it off the lot. So I'm borrowing the money from my parents. I feel like an enormous loser.