Try to relax? Isn't that an oxymoron? Quite. But I quite often have to work at relaxing.
Oh you didn't know I was a raging lunatic who exploded at the slightest event? Of course you did.. if you know anything about me at all. I'm crazy. Certifiable maybe. But I'm trying. I'm trying really, really hard to relax.
It's bad because I see it coming. I see the mercury rising. I see the gauge topping out. But it all happens so quickly, and before I know it I've boiled over and it happens much too quickly to pull the emergency cable. And then afterward I have to work myself out of my fit and try to reason through what exactly happened.
Sometimes I can stop myself before all hell breaks loose. Sometimes I have to tell myself I don't care. But then I stop caring and that's not good either.
Sometimes I can just breathe. Deep, slow breaths in and out.
And Yoga. I like yoga. I teach it twice a week. That helps.
Also? I'm moving. Ever so far away from this city whose inhabitants seem so intent on digging into my skin. Not the ones I know (before anyone starts to wonder whether I'm talking about them). The ones I don't know are the really prickly ones. This city where prestige rules and passive aggression is the surest way to success. I just can't handle it. I can't be passive at anything. I'm right up in your face I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT girl. That, or I just quit.
I'm a quitter. sigh.. I'm trying to stop doing that too.
I want people to have positive things to say about me. And right now? I wouldn't blame anyone for not being able to come up with anything nice to say.
She's.. well, she sometimes.. and.. oh I know! She uh..
Yeah. I know. Me too.
So what, do I need therapy? Professional help? Do I need a self-help book? What do I need?
