I wouldn't consider myself stingy. I'm usually a bit frivolous, actually. I remember feeling really embarrassed once because I hesitated to spring for a deck of cards. I was with a bunch of upperclassmen on a ski team trip in college and they all were all a bit miffed by my second thought about a $2 deck. Since then I've sort of made it a point to not let money really matter in situations like that. Now I'm like a kid who just got her allowance; money kind of burns a hole in my pocket. But with the move getting so close I've been singing a different tune.
Today I wouldn't go grocery shopping because I didn't have my shopper's club cardwith me. Normally I would have walked in anyway, but the prospect of spending approximately $7 more than I had to was too much. I'm so terrified about the move and anxious about not having enough money, it's really changed my whole outlook.
On one hand, this is good. At least my "urban survival" skills are kicking in. But on the other hand it's kind of stressful. I wish I just didn't have to worry about it. Soon enough I suppose.
Seriously, though, I'm stressed. I have dreams about crazy things happening. I'm terrified of anything and everything going wrong. I can reason with myself from now until the end of time but it really doesn't do much for my obsessive need to know what "the plan" is. And it's kind of hard to know the plan when I'm still not sure where I'm working.
I'll be so happy when I can just sit back in my couch, look out my window at Lake Tahoe, and finally know that I accomplished my goal. Until then, I'm strongly considering prozac. Or Vallium. Mmm.. Vallium!
