I was thinking that maybe what I need right now is less. Less responsibility. Less stress. Less clutter. I keep applying for these jobs that would step me up the proverbial ladder a rung or two and I'm not entirely sure that's what I want. I kind of want to just chill out for a while. Get rid of this burned out feeling I can't seem to shake. I am already starting to feel the dread of more responsibility creaping into my heart and I haven't even quit my job yet!
I bought three books the other day. One on .Net, one on the ADO.net framework, and one on project management. So what is it I think I'm going to do work all day, study in the evening, and then what? Say I learn .Net and everything there is to know about project management. Do I want to be a .Net developer? Do I want to be a project manager? I'm growing increasingly
envious of my friends who leave work and play video games all evening while I go to the gym and train clients for four hours.
But there was a reason I got that second job. I needed the experience so I could get away from sitting at a desk all day and more into doing something fun like training. And I like training, but I don't know if I want to do it all day. But it would be a lot less responsibility and a lot less stress.
For the past few months I have been looking at the world through thick cynical glasses. It's like a bad dream and I can't seem to focus on anything good. May as well ditch the glasses and fumble around in the dark. It takes very little to push me over the edge. Short fuse, big bomb. I want to live on the other side of the spectrum. I want to be a ski bum. At the end of the day, nothing matters but the powder and soothing sore legs. No worries..
