In recent months I have been struggling with a certain person in my life. One who seemed intent on pushing me down for the sake of their own reputation. I knew this someone would be a problem yet I climbed aboard anyway with a big heart and loving attitude in the name of a challenge and new experiences. It went alright for a while, but slowly deteriorated into what we all feared. And before I knew it, I had spent countless hours of my own time to help the cause yet was attacked at every fork in the road.
In every instance I chose to be the better person. I took the higher road. I fought the good fight. And one day, I decided it wasn't worth it. I walked away. But still the effects bog me down. I feel angry when I should feel accomplishment. I am cynical where I ought to be excited. And worst of all, I fear that my next challenge will be tainted with the bitter taste in my mouth.
And then as if on cue, I got a little message from D.H. Lawrence. I was watching G.I. Jane and that quote used by the Master Chief on day one of SEAL training struck a chord in me.
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough Without ever having felt sorry for itself. ~ D.H. Lawrence
In reading a bit more about D.H. Lawrence on wiki, I am pleasantly surprised that his works were characterized by issues relating to emotional health and vitality, and the dehumanizing effects of modernity and industrialization. How fitting.
I've been one pitiful creature the last few months, and I have no one to blame but myself. All this, "poor me" and "it's so unfair" nonsense. I talked about how the situation sucked and it was a good learning experience. I tried to look at it as a lesson and think of how lucky I was to have learned it in a supportive and positive environment. But it kept haunting my like a bad scary movie. I had been struggling to find a way to shake all the negativity. Some things worked, but only temporarily. So perhaps this will be the straw that broke the camel's back. No more pity party, it's time for me to get over it.
It's like the crying rule. You get five minutes. Five long minutes to cry and moan, complain and whine, but after the five minutes are up. It's done. Over. No more pity party. Just deal with it and move on.
