Second Hand

I’ve always been a Thrift Store shopper, but lately it’s become an obsession. There are so many thrift stores here. The first time I went a got this cute little wooden bowl for salads and things like that for $5. Then one time I went and found the perfect cowgirl hat for $2. (I wear it a lot.) And I get a lot of clothes there. It’s amazing how much life $10 at the Thrift Store will put back into your wardrobe. Then I found the perfect cupboard for my kitchen, $35. And a really nice mirror for the wall, $35. And then this painting for this other wall for $9. And some tablespoons because all I had were the little teaspoon ones. And this really awesome carafe for water. I mean seriously, the list goes on and on.

Of course my house is now more like a home that someone with half a sense of style might live in and less like the blank-walled, bike in the kitchen, bunk bed (just kidding) house of a post-college pre-adult individual. So that’s a good thing. But now I have to curb my enthusiasm for slightly used items and get down to just enjoying the things I already have. Otherwise before you know it I’ll have to take a bunch of stuff to the thrift store because I bought too many things I didn’t need. I’m all about donating, but I need to stop buying!

My furniture, wardrobe, dishes, and silverware are probably quite honestly 90% second-hand. And when I tell people that they flat out don’t believe me. I think it’s great. The only thing I don’t buy at thrift stores are things like underwear, climbing gear (not like they have any of that stuff), electronics, and usually shoes although I did buy a great pair of Birkenstock’s the other day. There may just be no hope…

Armed and Dangerous

Today my boss asked me how to spell “culprit” for an email he was writing. It kind of makes you wonder what exactly he needs to say that culprit seemed a fitting noun.

I suppose if he didn’t want to say culprit he could have said offender, criminal, guilty party, perpetrator, wrongdoer. See what I mean? Just not your standard business language.

Baby Sisters

My baby sister is on an air craft carrier somewhere between here and the Middle East. This is somewhat distressing because, well, the Middle East is pretty much perpetually in turmoil. It is also somewhat puzzling because my baby sister, who really isn't a baby anymore, was the last person any of us expected to join the military. We are all indescribably proud of her and happy that she's seeing the World and experiencing something so amazing that most of us can't even imagine it. But I am still always reminded that she is still my drama queen baby sister and even though she is very far from home, she is still happy and bubbly and very much herself. I love this about her.

And almost as if I had forgotten how my little sister is, today I got an email from her telling me about all the great places she visits, the crazy things that happen on the ship, and details from home that even I haven't heard yet. And at the end, a post script.

P.S. I could die any day and you NEVER write me!!!!!! :(

You gotta love baby sisters.

It’s funny

the things that have value here. I remember living in D.C. and the things that made me feel like I belonged, as though I had “made it”. A suit, heals, my cell phone, a latte from Starbucks. Here? It’s important to have a good pair of hiking boots, a nice wide-brimmed hat, and four wheel drive. I’ve used my rope and my camelback more often since moving here than my perfume.

Today I was cleaning out my sea bag after a Wednesday night sailboat race and I was putting my sailing shoes under the end of my bed where all my shoes go. I had to shove my “going out heals” aside for about the hundredth time, and it occurred to me how useless heals are here. I doubt I would be gawked at in one of the casinos where every other girl there is wearing a formal gown and stilettos. But I’d fit in just as well in jeans and flip flops and be a damn sight more comfortable.

I just love that the things that have value here are so different. Function over form. I think I just fit in better.

I miss the rain.

I love rain. L-O-V-E. I grew up in upstate New York which apparently has the same number of overcast days as Seattle. If you’ve ever been upstate you know what I mean. Apparently some of the highest college suicide rates. But I think the rain is wonderful. It makes me feel at home.

It’s always sunny here. Always! It’s almost depressing. (I think I’m wired funny or something.) Tahoe is beautiful, I shouldn’t complain. I just wish we could have the occasional rainy day.. I have a raincoat. And boots. I would be all set!

I love waking up to the sound of rain. Napping in the rain. Mountain biking in the rain. (I like mud a lot.) But then maybe the lake wouldn’t be so blue.. hmm..

This is why I can’t live in Tahoe forever. You have to have a goal right?

This is what I miss about D.C.

It's like watching paint dry

So I always said I wanted to be single. Good for my character I thought. With my parents it was almost an unspoken expectation. My Mom worked in Saudi for a year in her twenties. My Dad was drafted and then worked as an iron worker all over the West for a few years. That's a big part of why I moved out here. I wanted to spend a little time on my own. I didn't really anticipate being single. I had visions of nurturing this great relationship I was in. Heh..

But anyway, here I am. And I suppose it's not so bad. But give it time. Maybe it will suck more tomorrow. Maybe it will suck less. YOU NEVER KNOW. I keep myself mostly busy. I found a great mountain biking trail just up the road. Yesterday I rode as hard as I could until I felt like I might puke. Then I'd stop and suck wind for a minute. Then climb back on my bike and do it again. I was actually kind of glad nobody was there to see me in such pitiful shape. I almost got attacked by a dog too. Poor thing had the saddest bark you ever heard. Sounded more like a pitiful moaning. I think he really wanted to come play but felt torn between what he was supposed to do and fun. Poor guy.

I want a dog so bad. But I'd have to move because my apartment doesn't allow pets. I want an adult dog. My theory is if I walk into a shelter or the humane society that my dog will find me. Perfect! Everybody should get to choose their family don't you think?

Oh, my car died. That was fun. Gave me something to dwell on for a few hours. My boss graciously let me borrow a vehicle to get home. My car decided to die in the valley. In all fairness it waited until I had crested the pass. At least I could coast down into the valley. Rates are probably cheaper down there anyway. So now I'm sporting my boss' minivan. (Why do I get the boss with the minivan? Where are all the porche driving boss' whose second vehicle is something sweet like a jeep wrangler?) I shouldn't complain. I am really grateful to have something to drive. Seriously, a rental at $40 a day could get pricey.

I found a new restaurant down next to the expensive laundromat. The best way to describe it is a hippy joint with veggie everything and damn good too! (When you come visit me I'll take you there.) I was waiting for my clothes to wash and decided to wander a bit. Did I mention it's beautiful here?

I think the most depressing part about this single bs is it's after midnight on a Wednesday and I'm still up. I'm tired but not really interested in sleep. The house is fairly picked up. Laundry's done. Heh. Maybe tomorrow I'll clean the bathroom. Wooh! Mostly I'm just bored.

For now my theory is that being single is all about figuring out what to do with your day. Work is a no brainer, so that's 8 hours I don't have to worry about. Then there's about an hour for dinner/cleaning up. Working out is 1-2 hours. That leaves.. oh.. 3 or 4 more in between to figure out what to do with. But then there's the dreaded weekend. (Oh God, Oh God, we're all going to die.) Weekends are the worst. So much time on your hands. I ride my bike. I painted a little last weekend. I make lists of things to do. A feeble attempt to escape the boredom at some future date. I go to the gym which doesn't happen to be very busy at 9pm on a Friday in case you were wondering. And I watch movies. Lots and lots of movies.

Technical Difficulties

For some reason, I can't get to Blogger from my laptop. Sweet. Anybody know somebody that wants to fix my computer? I think I'm allergic to them.

And now, a bulleted list: (I am lazy.)

• Yesterday was the last day of the season at Heavenly, and there was a foot of fresh powder. A foot, I kid you not.
• Kirkwood is open until next weekend so I'm not quite grounded. Not just yet.
• I skipped work last Monday at my boss' request to go snowboarding. And I did. All day. Sweet.
• I joined the gym finally. There's a jacuzzi in the women's locker room. I am happy.

That is all.

I have seen the light (like a DUI roadblock in the sky)

I have to admit, I've been flying a little differently since I got here. Singing a bit of a different tune. I am completely and totally in love with my new home, and I've noticed a few changes in my demeanor.

I have always considered myself to be a conservative person. Yes, I do some non-conservative things, but I do them safely. Sorta. I'm typically not a risk taker or a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda girl. I rock climb but I've had to work hard to overcome my fear of heights. I snowboard but always hang back on the safe side of things. And I am definitely not an adrenaline junkie. I feel that rush and I back off. I never liked feeling out of control.

When I went to Colorado over Thanksgiving I spent a week riding the "groomers" because there wasn't really enough snow to be in the trees much. The group I was with would have much preferred the trees and OB if at all possible. I was secretly grateful to be safely on the predictable groomed trails and not deep in the "pow" dodging trees. (For the record, I think "pow" is a ridiculous slang term. I use it purely in the context of the group I was with. Aaannd maybe to make fun of them a bit. The only thing worse is calling basketball "hoop". Seriously, just say basketball. Or ball. That would do. Boys. But I digress.)

I couldn't really understand why you would want to dodge trees risking life and limb (not to mention your lift ticket) when you could cruise like mad on the nice, safe, groomed trails. But yesterday something snapped. I was about half way down the killer tree run I mentioned yesterday and I got a rush of adrenaline. And I liked it! Wow... So this is what they've been talking about. I wanted more. I spent the rest of the day and all day today seeking out every tree, every rock. And I found them. Trees, rocks, and bumps galore. Oh God I've died and gone to heaven.

Maybe it's the laid back new me. Maybe it's the town or the knowledge that the next good stretch of riding won't be until next November. I'm like a fox in a hen house. A redneck at a Nascar race. haha.. I'm as giddy as a school girl. I've never jumped before and suddenly I'm jumping at every opportunity. I've never bombed so many tree runs or mogul fields in my life! I crave speed. Sweet. But seriously, who is this new me and where did she come from?!? I was beginning to wonder if perhaps I was not as adventurous as I thought. Phew... Also, I smile a lot more. Can't imagine why... :)

Go to Heavenly, ride like Hell.

Now I know why they call it Heavenly

If I could tell you what Heaven looked like, this is what I would describe.

I'm in Paradise. The views are breathtaking. The snowboarding is phenomenal. And the best part? I live here. It sort of hits me every now and then and I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. (A lot of that going on lately.) It's completely and totally overwhelming. Breathtaking, inviting, and intoxicatingly surreal. I can honestly say there is nowhere else I would rather be.

This trail is nicknamed "The Stream". There's an actual stream running underneath it. (Apparently when it gets warm people occasionally fall through.) Also, you can't really see, but up and to the left under the lift there's a killer tree run that I am determined to master. I kicked it's butt yesterday but I am going to do it better tomorrow. Hopefully more pictures to come...

There is only one thing missing. I wish my friends were here to share this with me. I never thought I would miss everyone this much. I just hope they'll all come to their senses and get the hell out here! At least for a visit. I miss you all terribly and I can't wait to see you again. Muah!

There and back again

To all of you I don't get to update regularly but miss dearly..

Tuesday - Got off to a late start. It was 11:30 am before I finally got on the road. And made it all the way to... wait for it... Frederick before having to stop. Wow. Just didn't get anywhere near enough sleep in the past week. Pushed hard though and finally pulled into my grandparents 14 hours later. Phew. At least I have a day off from driving now. The truck and trailer really aren't as bad as I'd feared. Just can't cut corners and people are surprisingly considerate. Well, most people.

Wednesday - I spent the day with my grandparents and a few aunts, uncles and cousins visiting and napping. I really miss being able to see them on a regular basis. It's kind of sad now that a lot of us are "growing up". We used to automatically see each other on holidays but it's becoming more frequent to go a couple of years without catching up. How sad.. Also, my Grandfather was truly sincere when he said "Your mother knows what it's like now to have all of her children moving far away. Serves her right!" I don't think he ever quite got over her going out on her own.

Thursday - I made it past Oklahoma City, my goal for the second day of the drive. I'm in a fairly nice Super 8 for the bargain price of $56. Woo hoo!! My only goal for this evening is a shower and sleep! It rained very hard on and off throughout the day but I didn't see any of the tornados I kept hearing about. I did see the St. Louis Arch and managed a very grainy picture with my camera phone. Next stop, Flagstaff. It's funny how poor my geography (geology?? - haha..just kidding) is once you get West of the Mississippi. Sad but true. I completely forgot I would be driving through Illinois and this is the second time I've taken this particular route.. Yes, laugh, but at least I know which state the Grand Canyon is in! (You had to look it up didn't you?)

The fastest way to a girl's heart..

..is to buy her snowshoes.

I heard Tahoe got 7 ft of snow last week! And now I believe I am fully prepared.

Look at the claws!! Aren't they pretty?

My five minutes are up

In recent months I have been struggling with a certain person in my life. One who seemed intent on pushing me down for the sake of their own reputation. I knew this someone would be a problem yet I climbed aboard anyway with a big heart and loving attitude in the name of a challenge and new experiences. It went alright for a while, but slowly deteriorated into what we all feared. And before I knew it, I had spent countless hours of my own time to help the cause yet was attacked at every fork in the road.

In every instance I chose to be the better person. I took the higher road. I fought the good fight. And one day, I decided it wasn't worth it. I walked away. But still the effects bog me down. I feel angry when I should feel accomplishment. I am cynical where I ought to be excited. And worst of all, I fear that my next challenge will be tainted with the bitter taste in my mouth.

And then as if on cue, I got a little message from D.H. Lawrence. I was watching G.I. Jane and that quote used by the Master Chief on day one of SEAL training struck a chord in me.

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough Without ever having felt sorry for itself. ~ D.H. Lawrence

In reading a bit more about D.H. Lawrence on wiki, I am pleasantly surprised that his works were characterized by issues relating to emotional health and vitality, and the dehumanizing effects of modernity and industrialization. How fitting.

I've been one pitiful creature the last few months, and I have no one to blame but myself. All this, "poor me" and "it's so unfair" nonsense. I talked about how the situation sucked and it was a good learning experience. I tried to look at it as a lesson and think of how lucky I was to have learned it in a supportive and positive environment. But it kept haunting my like a bad scary movie. I had been struggling to find a way to shake all the negativity. Some things worked, but only temporarily. So perhaps this will be the straw that broke the camel's back. No more pity party, it's time for me to get over it.

It's like the crying rule. You get five minutes. Five long minutes to cry and moan, complain and whine, but after the five minutes are up. It's done. Over. No more pity party. Just deal with it and move on.

Because I need the reminder

One final paragraph of advice: do not burn yourselves out. Be as I am - a reluctant enthusiast....a part-time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it’s still here. So get out there and hunt and fish and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, climb the mountains, bag the peaks, run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, the lovely, mysterious, and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to the body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much; I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those desk-bound men and women with their hearts in a safe deposit box, and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this; You will outlive the bastards.

~Edward Abbey

Right now less is more

I was thinking that maybe what I need right now is less. Less responsibility. Less stress. Less clutter. I keep applying for these jobs that would step me up the proverbial ladder a rung or two and I'm not entirely sure that's what I want. I kind of want to just chill out for a while. Get rid of this burned out feeling I can't seem to shake. I am already starting to feel the dread of more responsibility creaping into my heart and I haven't even quit my job yet!

I bought three books the other day. One on .Net, one on the ADO.net framework, and one on project management. So what is it I think I'm going to do work all day, study in the evening, and then what? Say I learn .Net and everything there is to know about project management. Do I want to be a .Net developer? Do I want to be a project manager? I'm growing increasingly
envious of my friends who leave work and play video games all evening while I go to the gym and train clients for four hours.

But there was a reason I got that second job. I needed the experience so I could get away from sitting at a desk all day and more into doing something fun like training. And I like training, but I don't know if I want to do it all day. But it would be a lot less responsibility and a lot less stress.

For the past few months I have been looking at the world through thick cynical glasses. It's like a bad dream and I can't seem to focus on anything good. May as well ditch the glasses and fumble around in the dark. It takes very little to push me over the edge. Short fuse, big bomb. I want to live on the other side of the spectrum. I want to be a ski bum. At the end of the day, nothing matters but the powder and soothing sore legs. No worries..

BASKET CASE

I wouldn't consider myself stingy. I'm usually a bit frivolous, actually. I remember feeling really embarrassed once because I hesitated to spring for a deck of cards. I was with a bunch of upperclassmen on a ski team trip in college and they all were all a bit miffed by my second thought about a $2 deck. Since then I've sort of made it a point to not let money really matter in situations like that. Now I'm like a kid who just got her allowance; money kind of burns a hole in my pocket. But with the move getting so close I've been singing a different tune.

Today I wouldn't go grocery shopping because I didn't have my shopper's club cardwith me. Normally I would have walked in anyway, but the prospect of spending approximately $7 more than I had to was too much. I'm so terrified about the move and anxious about not having enough money, it's really changed my whole outlook.

On one hand, this is good. At least my "urban survival" skills are kicking in. But on the other hand it's kind of stressful. I wish I just didn't have to worry about it. Soon enough I suppose.

Seriously, though, I'm stressed. I have dreams about crazy things happening. I'm terrified of anything and everything going wrong. I can reason with myself from now until the end of time but it really doesn't do much for my obsessive need to know what "the plan" is. And it's kind of hard to know the plan when I'm still not sure where I'm working.

I'll be so happy when I can just sit back in my couch, look out my window at Lake Tahoe, and finally know that I accomplished my goal. Until then, I'm strongly considering prozac. Or Vallium. Mmm.. Vallium!

So here's my theory.

I have this space in my head for thoughts. Sort of just a holding area where they go after I've thought them up. And when the space gets full, they all come rushing out in a flood as though the dam has just broken. Solid scientific theory, wouldn't you say?

It's weird. Sometimes I'll go for weeks without a single good thing to write. Other times I'll write five or six good things in a day. (Yes, I know good is relative.) I don't understand why it's not more consistent. I suppose like everything it cycles like a pendulum, back and forth between extremes.

But how am I supposed to have a career as a profitable writer if I can't have a decent thought for a week? That and the fact that my grammar, spelling, and punctuation are total shit. This is seriously cramping my style, you know? Ah well. I suppose I'll have to make the best of it.

Google-Fu

I was sitting on the floor of my room the other night making inappropriate comments in a birthday card about the shape of the squid on the cover, and it struck me that I didn't know how to spell phallic. I wasn't sure if it started with an 'f' or a 'ph' and are there two l's?

Since my computer has been slow and not wanting to load Internet Explorer lately, I was in a bit of a bind. I checked around for a dictionary but to no avail. WTF?!? I've become so dependent on the Internet that I can't even SPELL without it!!

What to do.. what to do...

After much persuasion and kind words to my cpu I was able to google it and find that it is indeed a 'ph' with two l's. Phew...

Don't you love how google is now a perfectly exceptable verb?

Update: Is it funny or sad that I wrote exceptable rather than acceptable? Lauren.. thank you for the correction. I baffle myself, but perhaps my error makes my point more clear. I am helpless without the Internet.

Absolute genius

Animation 1
Animation 2

Just for today

I will give thanks for my many blessings.

I will not worry.

I will not be angry.

I will do my work honestly.

I will be kind to my neighbor and every living thing.

I was in NY visiting a friend last summer and I saw this taped to the bathroom mirror. I didn't ask her if she wrote it, I probably should, but I think it's something we could all see when we look in the mirror in the morning. Make a small change just for today...