I've been carrying around a lot of anger lately. And it hasn't really gotten any better. Then last night I had a small confrontation with aforementioned roommate wherin she asked "is there a problem?" Ha! Apparently I did not show the appropriate joy at her return to the world of the living. My best guess is the only reason she started speaking was so she could ask me to stay out of the kitchen so she could bring guy number who-knows-what over for dinner-plus. (I started numbering them a while back. There are just way too many to try to remember names. I'd probably call them by the wrong name anyway. Funny, but bad.)
Anyway, after being angry with her all night and waking up this morning just as angry, if not more so, I had to put my foot down. This simply will not do. Unacceptable. I don't like being angry. I don't want to be angry. And she is clearly not worth it. Honestly, there are very few things in this world worth getting angry about.
So this morning while I was waiting in line for my coffee (Starbucks of course), still writhing in anger, I looked over the front page of the Post. "Hezbollah Raid Opens 2nd Front for Israel". More about war. And I thought to myself "you know, I can understand the anger that might make someone want to go to war. It may not be right but I can imagine the depth of hate that could breed that type of action." And for a moment, I felt better.
And then, like a lightbulb flicking on inside the dark caverns of my thoughts, I realized this is another lesson. People like her are a blaring example of cause and effect. A warning if you will.
Mothers say to their children "do you see why you need to take responsibility for yourself?" And the wided-eyed children stare in horror..
Therapists tell us to stay away from these "negative" people. They do nothing but create conflict.
Friends finally give up when every effort they have made to reach out has been tossed aside. They care, but what more can they do? They then resolve to be better friends next time as though it was somehow their fault.
And I, I learn a valuable lesson of choice. Don't let her control you. Instead allow her to teach you.
Perhaps I exaggerate. But honestly, she is not the threat I have allowed her to be. She is an example. She is helping people by setting a negative example. And that is the most charitable thing I can say about her.
I'm afraid to imagine what she may have done in a past life to have been born into this one. And I even venture to wonder what it is her soul is striving to teach her. Like a car wreck perhaps; morbid fascination.
My anger has always plagued me, and may one day be the death of me. But perhaps this will be my saving grace. It's only been since this morning, but I feel release. Finally, sweet release from the clutches of my anger. And now I strive to remember this the next time I feel the fire burning deep within me. And perhaps one day I will look back and say a silent thank you.
Perhaps it's not explicitly applicable, but for me, this may be my choice, my path, the moment that changed my life.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
~Robert Frost
