Will I always change this much? As strange as it seems to me, I'm really enjoying the fluctuations in my life. I feel off balance, but there's a certain symmetry to it. It's out of character for me. I'm rule girl. Plan girl. The one with an itinerary for life.
But I'm excited by all of the changes. I'm writing more than ever. I feel inspired and engaged. I walked out of Starbucks this morning and felt a rush. The air smelled so good, the breeze was blowing my hair, and I was on my way to work of all places. I don't want to settle into boring and predictable. I want surprises. I want a little edge. I want to be a little uncomfortable, push myself further, test my limits. Make myself do things I said I'd never do because they were too risky.
Goose bumps are popping up all over as I sit here writing. Chills are running down my spine. All I'm doing is imagining possibility. New ideas, far away places. I can feel the changes coming and I can't wait. I was waiting for my coffee and I glanced up at a sign on the wall. "Coffee of the Day - Pike's Blend" More goose bumps. Pike's Market is in Seattle. I could actually be there in the spring. Imagine that..
I'm starting to understand the motivation behind jumping from planes, climbing to the top of Everest, sailing around the world. People hurl themselves away from stability risking death and more to feel the amazing rush of something different. Discovery, adventure, a challenge. When you dare yourself to jump, that's when you learn who you really are. I'm starting to get that. I feel free yet still grounded. I'm still employed and responsible, but I love letting my hair blow in the wind. I want this to stay. I need the challenge. No more apron strings, let me make a few mistakes for a while. Let me let go.
